With little fanfare or media coverage the 2013 Fantasy Health Care Draft was held this past weekend. There was great excitement as a sold-out crowd watched every citizen in the United States fill the 10 roster spots for their personal health care teams. The eligible draftee pool was deep. Included were insurance executives, hospital and health care system administrators, politicians, health care quality leaders, drug company and medical device executives and many others who walk around hospitals in nice clothes. Oh, and their were physicians and nurses as well. The draft order was derived via a lottery system. Parents made roster choices for their children under 18. Each draftee could be on multiple rosters as the number of citizens far out numbered the draftees. As expected, there was a significant amount of pre-draft maneuvering to obtain a higher position in the draft order. Based on some early surveys the people of the US apparently spend a great deal of time doing research in the hopes of assembling a winning team.
The expectations were high for the potential draftees in the newly created accountable care organization executives. Also expected to do well were those who have never practiced medicine a day in their lives but who tell those who do provide care how to do it better; the health care quality people. The festivities began with a video presentation of the history of the health care system in the United States. This was followed by another video that demonstrated how the Affordable Care act has been terribly politicized. Finally at 9:00 am the first citizen came to the microphone and made their first roster addition. It was a primary care physician. One after another the people of the US came to the podium and 313 million people later every first round choice was a primary care physician. As the draft moved through rounds 2-10 the anxiety among the non-provider draftees became evident. The citizens of the US filled their rosters with various specialist physicians, nurses and other providers such as chiropractors, physical therapists, nutritionists and even EMS personnel.
At the conclusion of the draft after no non-provider personnel were drafted a formal complaint was filed on behalf of all non-providers questioning the integrity of the draft and the sanity of the American public. A full investigation will be carried out and a report is expected within the next few months.